Life’s Too Short Bio
by Diego Sobalvarro
Good morning. My name is Diego Sobalvarro, I’m 45 years old and serving 25 years to life for murder. I’ve been incarcerated for almost 23 years. Today I will be sharing with you a bit of my story, and my hope is that it will help to prevent some of you from making poor and horrible decisions that can cause unnecessary pain and suffering to countless innocent people.
I was born and raised in Lancaster, California in a two-parent home, a traditional Latino household. I am the oldest of three boys, and because I was the older, I was blamed for a lot of what went wrong in the house. My father was a mean man and always seemed angry. Every time he did not get things done his way, he would become violent. Each time I did not do what my Dad expected me to do, he would yell at me, call me stupid, worthless, good-for-nothing, and hit me. I was afraid of my father and believed I could not do anything right and that he did not love me or even like me.
My mother, on the other hand, was kinder and more caring; however, every time my father yelled at me and hit me, she wouldn’t do anything to stop him. I felt abandoned, alone and believed that my mother did not love me either.
At school, I struggled with everything except sports. I could not read or spell and was horrible in math. By the time I was in third grade I was placed in Special Education. And immediately I was made fun of by other kids at school. I was called names like retard, stupid and dummy. I was bullied and picked on every single day. I hated school almost as much as I hated home. I did not feel safe anywhere.
Growing up in this environment, I became very insecure, had low self-esteem and believed I was worthless and had no value. I feared what others thought of me and looked for ways to do things that made others like me so that I’d feel accepted. I learned at an early age that if I did what others wanted me to do, I would feel accepted and believed they liked me.
By the time I was in middle school, I found out that my favorite uncle was a gang member. I had always looked up to him. I saw how popular he was, no one ever made fun of him, and even my father “respected him.” A short time later all my older cousins were part of that gang. Life for them seemed fun, easy, and exciting. They had lots of friends and it seemed like all the girls wanted to be with them. From the outside looking in, they had everything I ever wanted. And I believed that if I joined the gang, I could be just like them – – lots of friends, pretty girls, and people would stop making fun of me and bullying me.
For most of my childhood, I felt unloved, unworthy, rejected, and alone. When I joined the gang, those feelings seemed to fade, replaced by acceptance from my peers and the sense that I was no longer alone.
When I joined the gang, I learned how violence gave me power and control over others. I became a violent gang member determined that no one would ever hurt me again. For many years, I terrorized my community, hurting innocent people, including my family. And, on August 29, 2002, I heinously murdered Mr. Carlos Ochoa.
When I was arrested and convicted of murder, I should have felt sorry, guilty, and remorseful. Sadly, I did not feel those things. The truth is that it fueled my ego, pride, and status within the gang. In my head, I was the baddest gang member in the state of California. When I came to prison, I continued to live a destructive lifestyle until prison authorities deemed me unfit to be housed in General Population, and I was validated as a prison gang member, meaning I would spend the rest of my life in a single-man cell isolated from the rest of the world. This meant no contact visits from my family, no phone calls, no window, no sunlight. Everywhere I went I was stripped, searched, handcuffed and escorted by two correctional officers. 22 ½ hours a day I spend in this cell (blurry picture attached). And once again, I felt unloved, unworthy, rejected, and alone. I began to feel guilt and shame for all the innocent people I had hurt. Something had to change. And it was in this moment of hopelessness that hope flooded into this dark cell and ultimately into my heart through the unconditional love of God in the person of Jesus Christ. For the next year I built a strong relationship with Jesus and found true belonging, worth, love, and an understanding that I do have value.
As I began to accept myself, value myself, and love the man God created me to be, I began to treat others with kindness, respect, and love.
I want to encourage you young men today to never give up hope. I do not know everything that each of you goes through, but God does. And the same Jesus who rescued me from darkness can do this same for you. Take a moment and look around – – all these people here today care about you. And in God’s great plan, He brought us all here today so you can hear me tell you that we care, we love you, you have value, and God loves you and has an awesome plan and purpose for each one of your lives. God Bless You.
